What’s it like to attend a Death Café?

Thinking about death can bring balance to life.

It’s nearly a year since I experienced my first Death Café whilst attending a Celebrants’ Retreat organised by Veronika Robinson of Heart-led Celebrants’ Training.  My first experience was enlightening and showed me that talking about death didn't have to be depressing, frightening or morbid but rather could be empowering, comforting and uplifting.  Keen to attend another on my return home and finding there were none in my locality I decided to start my own and the Kirby Muxloe Death Café was born.  Knowing the importance of good refreshments, (one of the principles of the movement) I was delighted to garner the support of The Royal Oak and am hugely grateful for their accommodation of us in recent months.  We meet every other month, currently 7-9pm on a Monday evening.

I have facilitated five Death Cafés so far and am finding the experience hugely rewarding.  Attendance has varied greatly from a maximum of about ten down to the smallest gathering of three with some people attending each café, others only one or two.  I can honestly say, each meeting has been valuable and I have enjoyed the opportunity to talk about death with others open to these conversations.  Jon Underwood’s initial aim was to “increase awareness of death to help people make the most of their (finite) lives” and I have found reflection on preparing for death, considering what I and others would see as a ‘good death’, thinking about what kind of funeral would be an appropriate farewell and more hugely affirming.

Refreshments are a key ingredient to a Death Café!

In terms of mechanics, Death Cafés all start the same way - by welcoming participants, stating the ground rules which are simple that everyone’s viewpoint is valid and should be respected and then participants introduce themselves and say why they are attending; there’s no pressure to reveal any more of your motivation than you choose.  After this, conversation develops organically and although I have had a couple of starter questions up my sleeve each time, I have never needed them.  At each meeting conversation  has progressed easily, been lively and has involved plenty of laughter.  It has also prompted some practical response from several of us attending.  Several attendees have reported conversations with loved ones, contacts have been made with end of life doulas and for me, I’ve started a Death Book!

For a number of years, I have been saying that my husband should write down some of our life administrations with which he deals, including our finances.  I have been aware that should something happen to him I would be ill-equipped to pick up his role. But for years it has remained on the ‘to do’ list without any progress at all.  Thanks to Death Café, I have been inspired to actually start and now have a ‘Death Book’ into which I am slowly writing my plans, wishes, useful information - names, numbers etc. for solicitors, funeral directors and more.  Far from finding this morbid, it makes me feel positive about my life.  I like that my children won’t have to worry about whether they’re doing what I will have wanted, they will know; whether they choose to execute my wishes, well that’s another matter!

In my day job as an Independent Celebrant I regularly see the task of arranging a funeral made more challenging by the absence of conversations ahead of decisions.  If you know what your loved one wanted by way of a funeral, it makes the job of planning it just a little bit less challenging.

So if you haven’t been to Death Café, do consider attending one - you can find a complete listing here.  Death Cafés are run according to clear principles so you can be sure to find a welcoming space and like-minded people with whom to explore this singular, incredible experience called life.

By Catrina Young, Leicestershire Heart-led Celebrant; Marking Life’s Moments.

© Hardingstone Ceremonies, February, 2026