Many couples choose to acknowledge a significant anniversary with a vow renewal; a chance to restate the intentions of their marriage and to recommit to one another. However, this does not always feel right - do you want to mark and acknowledge a milestone in your relationship but feel the vows you took on your wedding day remain just as relevant and fresh as the day you made them? You may even feel that renewing your vows would somehow undermine the original promises you made. Perhaps you would like to consider a Family Blessing instead?
As with all celebrant led events, this ceremony can be exactly what you want it to be. Often by the time this occasion occurs there are children involved and they become the focus of the ceremony - your hopes, dreams and advice for your children can take centre stage. Perhaps you have a blended family or want to acknowledge your wider family - grandchildren, nieces or nephews etc. You can reflect on your journey so far within your marriage and consider your aspirations for the next stage of your lives together. You might like to play music of significance to your shared story. Readings might include extracts from family favourite childrens’ books - perhaps the book your children asked for night after night? A celebrant can work with you to create any rituals that resonate with you as a family. This might revolve around family favourite foods or a particular cocktail that you discovered on an early holiday together. Whatever elements are important to you can, by the right celebrant, be woven into your celebration and include participation from your guests if you choose.
It goes without saying that your ceremony can be as formal or informal as you choose, can be written to exactly the length you feel appropriate and involve whatever celebrations you and your celebrant agree (For example I would not be happy to take part in balloon releases for environmental reasons and you wouldn’t want me taking part in Karaoke (!) but being charged to combine and reflect Buddhist and atheist values - I’m all in.) For more information on my ethos, click here, and for more guidance on choosing a celebrant, click here.
A recent example of a Family Blessing I wrote included a Family Story, interspersed with speeches from parents and children. The story came from interviews with and questionnaires sent to each member to the family - this provided some lovely touches of ‘things you love and would like to change about each other’ - plenty of humour as a result! There was a particularly poignant moment when the youngest member of the family received her knitted doll to match those that had been created for the wedding when she was just a dream for her parents. Together we created two rituals - one based around a family collection of marbles, involving lots of audience participation and used to create a lasting memory of the celebrations. The second was a family handtying ritual which was an opportunity to reflect on significant contributions of each individual to the collective family whole; even as the celebrant there was a choke in my throat for this part. We had music and the reading 'Dust' by Harry Baker which perfectly summed up this family’s belief that our sense of family comes from the ordinary and the everyday.
If you would like to explore creating a ceremony to mark a special anniversary or to celebrate all that you have with your family, without a vow renewal in sight, please get in touch. Of course, vow renewals are lovely too and I delight in creating these for the couples who choose them!
By Catrina Young, Leicestershire Heart-led celebrant, Marking Life’s Moments.
© Hardingstone Ceremonies, September 2024
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