Final Assembly - Lessons!

After 33 years as a secondary school teacher, I recently delivered my very last assembly.  It was something of a dilemma to decide the most appropriate topic but in the end I decided to offer some key truths which I hope gives my readers something of an insight to me and my values as a celebrant.

“I stand before you feeling peculiar, this is my last assembly which means that it is my last chance to share what little wisdom I have with you.  Over the years I have offered my perspective on subjects from community to Christmas, from traditions to diversity and much more.  You have always shown me respect by, at least, looking like you are listening and for that I am most grateful!  I hope you will indulge me one last time as I present my final offering.

One of the interesting things about being an adult is that you have inevitably experienced some highs and lows during your life and as a teacher, or even more as a parent you wish more than anything to impart your learning on those coming behind you, in other words you want those younger to learn from your mistakes.  Almost inevitably, they don’t and all too often successive generations end up making the same mistakes again and again.  Well, ever the optimist, this assembly is an attempt to share with you some of the key lessons I have learned in life.

The music you heard this morning (list below) is an eclectic collection of tunes that I like and/or have been important to me during my life.  I don’t know whether you liked them but they bring me to my first lesson - Be Yourself.  Of course it is hard to resist peer pressure and it is easy to go along with whatever craze is most popular at the time but this is rarely a good idea.  When I was about 14 there was a craze for something called a Ra Ra skirt - everyone had them and really they shouldn’t have done. If I tell you that, whilst I am heavier now than as a teenager, I have not actually changed shape and thankfully I recognised that a Ra Ra skirt was not going to be flattering. Unfortunately I did succumb to the trend for leg-warmers but we will move on quickly! It is, of course, easier said than done but I strongly recommend that you do not try to be someone you are not - it will never feel right and it will not ultimately serve you well.

Being yourself links to lesson number 2  Friends.  I have been lucky enough to acquire some exceptional friends during my life but this has not been straightforward.  There have been times when I struggled to make friends or felt let down by those I considered as my friends. For some people the friends they make at school last throughout their lives but this was not the case for me.  With a few notable exceptions, I have lost contact with most of those with whom I went to school.  University however, well that was a different story!  I met people that have become so important to me that I have coined my own term - framily; friends who are, to all intents and purposes, family.  What makes them good friends - they value me, they root for me and they make me feel better about myself. The other thing they do that makes them truly valuable is that they challenge me and I mean really challenge.  If they think I am being too judgemental or don’t approve of a behaviour; I will know about it!  This thankfully has not happened too often, was extremely hard when it did, but has ensured that I have continued to evaluate things throughout my adult life.  The opportunity to talk about difficult topics is, for me, a critical element of true friendship.  

To have good friends, you have to be a good friend.  I hope I have been a good friend to many over the years; this has meant putting myself out for them, forgiving them when they have caused me upset and sticking by them through the tough times.  Of course, I have had all these repaid in buckets.

There are times however, when friendship breaks and my third lesson is knowing when to let go.  I once had a friendship that meant the world to me but things went wrong and I lost contact.  For many years I ‘chuntered’ about this damaged relationship, continued to be angry and hurt by what I perceived as abandonment and hankered for what was lost. It is only quite recently that I have managed to stop the chuntering in my head - I have finally let go and released them and me from the burden of a lost relationship.  There comes a point that letting go becomes the healthiest act you can do for yourself.

That leads neatly to lesson number 4 - value yourself.  Again it’s easier said than done at times but accepting yourself for who you are and recognising that you are amazing will set you up for life.  Religion provides a reason for your value; you are the unbelievable and unique creation of God but for those who don’t believe in God, the miracle of life should provide reason enough.  There is no other you - you are the result of a single sperm meeting a single egg and as such you’re completely unique.  Some of you are tall, some are fast, others are good at Biology and so on.  Each of you has wonderful talents and if you haven’t yet discovered your best qualities, please don’t worry they are in there; you just have to find them.  Recognising your own value is critical to success - if you know what you are worth you will demand others recognise it too.  Make sure you value yourself enough to do a job you love, be sure to be paid your worth and most importantly of all be in a relationship with someone who recognises your incredible worth.

Whilst we are on the topic of success, I recently came across the following on social media “A Mercedes isn’t a symbol of success if you have to drive it to a job you hate” and I couldn’t agree more.  You will be working for a long time - please make sure it is at something you value.

My next lesson actually comes from my Granny, was reinforced by my mother and is now a motto in the Young household - it’s easy to think you want a new phone, a bigger car, another gaming console but actually the memories that last longest will be the things you do with your friends, family, on your own etc.  The new phone is very quickly out of date but the memories of your first holiday without parents will literally last a lifetime.  Mr Young and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in March - we chose to celebrate with a family holiday to New York; it was fabulous.  It might well be our last holiday all together as I suspect my sons will prefer to holiday independently going forward but what memories to end with.

For me there is a difference between a holiday and travel and it has nothing to do with where in the world you end up.  A holiday is, in my opinion, a contained event, often highly organised; it looks to be a break from normal life and aims to restore health and happiness to participants.  Travelling on the hand is about opening oneself up to new possibilities, it challenges participants to understand themselves and others better.  When you get the opportunity, I hope you travel - take yourself out of your comfort zone, learn something about yourself and others but do be prepared for some hardship along the way!  My honeymoon in Bolivia with friends was hardly romantic and would not be everyone’s idea of fun but safe to say it was unforgettable!

Lesson number seven is a simple one - make time for hobbies in life; my own hobbies centre around yarn, paper and ink but whatever your interests are, don't let other people decide if they are worthwhile and don't let the demands of daily life push them out.  Time to indulge in your hobbies helps to keep life in balance and ensures there is some time for YOU.

Finally, I come to, for me, the most important lesson of all - kindness is a quality that will define everything about you.  To be known as a kind person is, I assure you, more valuable than being known as almost anything else.  Being kind is easy; it doesn’t cost anything, it doesn't require huge gestures, it can be as simple as a smile. It is including someone - especially when others are tempted to leave them out.  It is about choosing kindness over proving a point.  One way I try to show kindness is by asking people how they are and, as others have said, by asking again when their answer is just a bit too quick - “I’m fine” is not the answer of someone who is happy, secure and loving life. In my life one of the things I have tried to do is to be prepared to have the difficult conversations with people - I don't mean ask everyone you meet the hardest question you can but rather if a friend is having a hard time make space to ask them how they are, give room for the answer, listen to them.  You don’t have to solve anything, I am quite sure you can’t but showing someone you care, standing beside them, is invaluable.  On the subject of kindness, you will talk more to yourself than anyone else; be sure to speak kindly.

I would like to thank you - students and colleagues for your kindness and support over the years, it has been invaluable to me.”

Music

Missing  - EBTG

Somebody - Depeche Mode

Yellow - Coldplay

New England - Billy Bragg

Starlight - Muse

Respect  - Erasure

The Beatles - 64

Thorn in my side - Eurythmics

Getting Better - Mamas & Papas

One of Us - Joan Osborne

Pretty Woman - Roy Orbison

My Way - Frank Sinatra

By Catrina Young, Leicestershire Heart-led celebrant, Marking Life’s Moments.

© Hardingstone Ceremonies, July, 2024