When Mr Y and I made it to the milestone of our 25th wedding anniversary, he made it very clear as far as wedding ceremonies go once was enough and he would not be partaking in a vow renewal. We are currently undergoing an extension at home and I am wondering if I will get away with a ‘topping out’ ceremony! This is a ceremony originating from Scandinavia and originally involved putting a tree on the top of a new building to appease the tree-dwelling spirits that construction had displaced. The practice became widespread in Europe and the Americas and continues to be popular in a number of communities. In New Zealand, there is a variation that when the roof of a new building is made watertight workers are treated to cake and beer in a “roof shout”. Marking the significance of leaving a family home, purchasing one’s first house purchase or establishing a new home are all occasions I would suggest would benefit from ceremonial marking.
Since qualifying as an Independent Celebrant I have become acutely aware of the opportunity for ceremony at every turn and, joking aside, am more and more convinced of the power of ritual and ceremony. It is said that, ‘we use ceremony when words are not enough’ and the more I read, witness and contemplate on this the more convinced I become. Marking life’s moments is, I believe, important in helping us transition through the momentous occasions in life. Crucially though, what is momentous to one person is not to someone else and it is for this reason that I cherish the opportunity to create ceremonies. Sometimes these are traditional for example a wedding but made unique and personal through the power of creativity. The rituals you choose with a celebrant led wedding can be completely unique to you - take for example a coffee ritual that I have written for Jonathan and Simon who met and courted in a coffee shop. At other times ceremonies mark occasions that are more individual such as recovery from serious illness; how beautiful is it to create a ceremony to thank the family and friends that supported you through the medical challenges?
Some rituals are long-standing and almost universally known such as the committal of the body during a funeral. Such rituals perform the function of linking us to our communities and our ancestors. In the stunningly beautiful book ‘Braiding Sweetgrass’, Robin Wall Kimmerer explains in the words of her elders that, ‘ceremonies are the way we “remember to remember”.’ Although not so common now, it was once popular for babies to be Christened in the family gown which would be passed around families and from generation to generation. I couldn't agree more when she writes that ‘‘Ceremony is a vehicle for belonging - to a family, to a people and to the land.’ At other times actions become rituals over time, in the same book Robin shares the family ritual of her father spilling the first coffee pourings onto the ground and thanking ancestral gods, only to find out later in life this started from an entirely practical desire to rid the pot of the first spits containing the coffee granules!
Our ancestors had many ceremonies that have fallen out of fashion yet marked important transitions in life. I have written elsewhere about initiation rites and the Blessingway ceremony but what about a Sargesse ceremony? Sargesse comes from the French word for ‘wisdom’ and this ceremony is designed to recognise the wisdom of old age. It was traditionally performed to acknowledge the transition of women from their reproductive, mothering years to their later years of wisdom and teaching; when they become valuable elders of their community - ready to pass on their learning and experience to the younger women of the community. How different to Western, 21st century life in which women so often feel pressured to look young and are often made to feel redundant when their children leave home? It is perhaps not coincidental that women in Asian cultures are found to have a significantly less negative attitudes towards the menopause (The Journal of the Menopause Society, May 2019) and it is in these cultures that the elderly rarely live out their days living on their own or in care homes but are much more likely to be revered older members of an extended family.
Whatever threshold you find yourself crossing, I would encourage you to consider marking it with a ceremony; it can be as private or public as you wish and I for one take enormous pleasure and a great deal of pride in creating ceremonies for whatever occasion a client desires.
By Catrina Young, Leicestershire Heart-led celebrant, Marking Life’s Moments.
© Hardingstone Ceremonies, July 2024
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