When I was first exploring the role of a celebrant, I googled the question of what a celebrant should wear…a lot. I didn’t find very much to help me, perhaps because the answer is as individual as the celebrant. Now, with some experience and a better idea of who I am as a celebrant, I am in a position to answer the question for myself.
As celebrants we are there to serve the individual, couple or family whose ceremony we are conducting. We are NOT the main, or even any kind of attraction. We hold space for others and as such should aspire to be ‘invisibly present’. This means that our attire, like every aspect of ourselves, should serve our client. We should be client led and look to support their wishes regarding our appearance as much as possible. This is one of many reasons why being sure you connect with a potential client is so important; if you feel it is disrespectful to hold a wedding ceremony dressed as pirates (real life example) then it is important for you to point this particular client in the direction of another celebrant. What you shouldn’t do is accept the job and then say I only wear Versace to weddings!
In my life before celebrancy, clothes symbolised a role. As a newly qualified teacher, just a few years older than my 6th form class (those were the days!) I used clothes as a way to step into a role and, for me celebrancy is no different. When I undertake a family funeral visit, I put on specific clothes that I hope help me to radiate calm, confidence and kindness. This helps me to step out of my domestic everyday life and focus on my client. In terms of actual ceremonies, the outfit I choose depends very much on the ceremony of course.
I have written elsewhere about what to wear to a funeral and for celebrants the same principle applies - the default position is formal and sombre. Often, but not always I will wear black, usually a trouser suit and accent it with a variety of patterned, darkish coloured shirts. I will always look to reflect something personal of the deceased; a
broach to reflect their hobby, my dad’s regimental broach for a veteran etc. Sometimes the family will ask for you to wear bright colours or a favourite colour; I have a variety of scarves that enable me to accommodate this as well as a shocking pink jacket if they really want colour! The move to more and more personalised services has led to more unusual requests as far as dress codes are concerned - leopard print, walking gear, festival clothes are all on the agenda these days. I hope not to receive the request made to a dear friend who is also a celebrant to wear gym kit!!!
For weddings, I always make sure my attire is discussed as part of the planning process. Sometimes, the couple will ask that I wear a particular colour either to match bridesmaids etc or more usually to ensure I don’t clash with them. In terms of actual outfit, I always keep in mind, I am not a guest; I don’t want to let them down in photos etc. but it is not an excuse to indulge in lots of new statement pieces. I tend to go for a classic formal look - trousers and a coordinating smart jacket or a plain dress are my ‘go tos’. Of course the venue and vibe of the wedding will influence my choice of outfit - the requirements for a smart wedding at Staunton Harold Hall are different to a festival wedding in a tipi.
For other occasions, the same principles apply - as a celebrant you should be guided by your clients and dress in such a way as to not stand out, not cause offence and to fit the occasion. Again, location is key - a mountainside scattering of ashes requires something different to a naming ceremony in a village hall. I am also conscious of representing other professionals when I am officiating; this is especially true at funerals. I am lucky enough to work with exceptional Funeral Directors who set the highest of standards; when I work with them I am representing them and try to do so with utmost professionalism; my image is part of that.
Not all occasions are right for a ceremonial cloak but I am delighted when they are - when I left my last teaching role, I was thrilled to receive as a leaving gift a beautiful midnight blue velvet cloak and have kept my academic gown - just in case!
If you are looking for a celebrant for your occasion, you might like to read my blog on choosing a celebrant but be sure to let them know if you have any special requests regarding their outfit; they need to know about that pirate outfit sooner rather than later.
By Catrina Young, Leicestershire Heart-led celebrant, Marking Life’s Moments.
© Hardingstone Ceremonies, November, 2024
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