Lessons Learnt by a New Celebrant

To learn is to live - photo by Brett Jordan

They say learning to drive really starts the day you pass your test and I would argue being a celebrant is a bit like that - you really start to learn how to do the job, once the training has finished and you begin to gain experience. (My own training with Heart-led Celebrants was exceptional and I continually reflect on how lucky I was to train with Veronika and Paul Robinson). I am now nearly two years into my second career and continue to find my new role incredibly rewarding. I knew during my training that every ceremony would be a new opportunity to learn; no two ceremonies are ever the same.  Every family, every couple and every situation is unique; my job is to reflect that uniqueness by creating a bespoke, personalised ceremony whatever the circumstances. 

Nothing like a good notebook to make me smile!

The creative nature of my work is a joy; even when a situation is incredibly complex, difficult or traumatic, I relish the opportunity to bring at least a little comfort, peace or harmony to the situation by creatively responding to the precise demands of the situation.  Because every ceremony is a chance to learn, I am acquiring insights and wisdom as I go and here I share some of the key lessons learned so far.

1. Enjoy the down time.  One of the aspects that has been hardest to get used to has been the ups and down of life as an Independent Celebrant.  As a teacher I knew exactly when my  holidays would be, literally years in advance; now I don’t know what my diary for the end of this week will end up looking like.  Many of my ceremonies are funerals and by definition these are rarely planned (although pre-planned funerals or even living funerals are becoming more common).  It can be scary when the phone doesn’t ring with the next job but I am learning to accept this and trust that as long as I am always serving my families to the very best of my ability, the work will come.  There can be many reasons why a Funeral Director doesn’t call; it may be that they are experiencing a rush of church services or since they are matching the needs of each family to the particular celebrant, you are not quite the right fit for THIS service.  It may even be that the FD themselves is experiencing a quiet spell - the funeral industry isn’t linear for anyone.

   
   

2. People are amazing.  This is one I already knew but my role as an Independent Celebrant has confirmed it over and over again.  Human beings are fragile, complex creatures and navigating family dynamics or bridal stresses can be challenging but overwhelmingly I am impressed by the people I meet.  Families who put deeply held divisions aside for the sake of a loved one, stories of love and resilience that I am privileged to learn when writing a eulogy or love story for a ceremony.  One of the biggest surprises has been people’s capacity to be kind, generous and grateful even when their hearts are breaking; I have been so touched by the emails, cards, flowers and gifts that I regularly receive. (Testimonials)

   
   

3. Community is vital. The power of a community is never more clearly felt than at a funeral or wedding; this momentous life event is being shared, marked and, where appropriate, celebrated by a community of people.  I am especially fond of a community vow in a union ceremony - this is where the congregation join together to verbalise and show their support for the couple; not just ‘I do’ but ‘we do’.  Community is critical for me too; celebrant life could be lonely if it wasn’t for the rapport shared with Funeral Directors, Crematorium and Wedding Venue Staff  and others.  The support of fellow celebrants is something I find exceptionally valuable too - the chance to mull over a tricky service or reflect on a job well done with someone who truly understands cannot be underestimated. (For more about the value of community see my blog.)

   
   

4. Creativity doesn’t mean being able to draw. I’ve written before on this particular revelation but the observation doesn’t stop.  Time and time again, I am reminded that being creative is not the same as being able to draw or paint.  Finding the perfect words to act as ‘word medicine’ for a grieving family or creating a bespoke ritual to reflect a couple’s unique love story; this is creativity in action.  It’s not just weddings and funerals that deserve a ceremony; there are countless moments in life which, in my biased opinion, would benefit from being marked by ceremony; such ceremonies don’t need to be public or formal; they can be intimate and spontaneous. At the heart of a celebrant life is a creative life.

   
   

5. Always wear pockets!  I learnt this one when, during an incredibly difficult and intimate burial service, I made my way to the graveside with just my ceremony folder and my car keys.  Realising I had no pockets in my suit, I popped the keys on the ground by a tree and proceeded with the ceremony.  I was in full flow when, out of the corner of my eye I saw a stray dog approaching the area.  With visions of the dog picking the keys up and running off, I obviously had to carry on composed and calm.  I’m pleased to say the dog left without any incident but never again will I be without pockets for a ceremony!

By Catrina Young, Leicestershire Heart-led Celebrant; Marking Life’s Moments.

© Hardingstone Ceremonies, July 2026